Colorado Rockies: Ranking the Rockies’ facial hair

Arenado’s cousin, Josh Fuentes, slides in at No. 8. Fuentes, a natural infielder, doesn’t solely take after his relative on the diamond. His facial hair has a similar look to Arenado’s as well. Fuentes, though, gets the boost due to the degree to which he keeps his hair groomed. A much neater mustache and trimmed beard makes for a cleaner look overall, giving him the slight edge over Arenado.

Next, we move back to the mound for the No. 7 spot, where we recognize German Márquez. The flame-throwing righty isn’t one for a mustache, but he more than makes up for it with the beard. He keeps it at its fullest under the chin, and it gets shorter on either side as it crawls up to his ears. Not unlike Senzatela, Márquez has kept mostly the same look since he broke into the Majors, and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Now it’s time for one of my personal favorites. I needed at least one mustache guy, and reliever James Pazos represents well at No. 6. He’s not messing around with the beard, the mustache is good enough for Gilbert, Ariz., native. Not everyone can pull it off, but his is well-maintained and full enough to earn a spot on my list. I’ll let the Seattle Mariners take it from here.

Rookie sensation Brendan Rodgers kicks off the top five. Of everyone I’ve highlighted so far, his style is most similar to Senzatela’s, with a slightly fuller volume. I know this is a list focusing on facial hair, but I’m going to break the rules and give Rodgers bonus points for the mullet as well. This is an organization well versed in mullets, most notably when the style was modeled by former shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, as well as current outfielder and fan-favorite Charlie Blackmon (more on him later). Rodgers can absolutely compete with “Tulo” in that department.

My No. 4 spot belongs to Ian Desmond. While his productivity on the diamond has been hotly debated since his arrival in the Mile High City, the same cannot be said about his appearance. He keeps his beard and mustache just long enough to be noticeable, but short enough to avoid masking his chiseled jawline. He makes a strong case to land in the top three, but not quite.

The top-three finishers leave precision and maintenance in the dust. Coming in at No. 3, outfielder David Dahl‘s beard is following in the footsteps of one of his fellow outfielders. He hasn’t quite reached the level of wildness of my top two finishers, but he’s well on his way and is already a force to be reckoned with.

My runner-up is somewhat of a surprise. Starter Jon Gray allowed his beard to really take off during the offseason, and is rewarded with a result that now rivals that of my champion. He jumps into the top two after he sported a fairly average-looking beard last year.

Was it really a shock that Blackmon takes the top spot in my rankings? Chuck Nazty has worn his signature look for years now, one that includes his flowing mullet, wild and uncontrolled beard, and shorter hair on top and on the sides. It’s a complete ensemble, one that Rockies fans have come to know and love from their quirky right fielder. The picture says it all. This one really wasn’t a contest.

What do you think of the rankings? Where would you have switched things up? Let us know in the comments section below.