Five Options For The Colorado Rockies IF They Fire Walt Weiss

Feb 19, 2015; Indianapolis, IN, USA; Denver Broncos general manager J. Elway speaks to the media at the 2015 NFL Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Trevor Ruszkowski-USA TODAY Sports

Option #1: John Elway

Who better than the Ol Comeback Kid to lead the Rockies comeback to winning? The man rebuilt the Broncos roster in two seasons with solid free agency grabs and decent to mediocre drafting. He convinced Peyton Manning to come play for Denver, drafted Von Miller, traded Tim Tebow, and in 1986 led The Drive™ to defeat the Cleveland Browns in the AFC Championship.

All of those accomplishments were in football but people forget that John was also a solid baseball player that was drafted by both the Kansas City Royals and the New York Yankees. In fact, to get out of playing for the Colts in 1983, John threatened to go play for the Yankees.

Who else would you want as manager than a man who strong armed his way out of a bad situation?

Not even mentioning the guy is a solid car salesman, while other athletes got in the stupid restaurant business, John invested in the only thing that Americans will never stop buying: overpriced automobiles.

What does that tell me? That he’s smart and crafty. A real trickster that isn’t afraid to go against the grain. Like one of his classic throws across his body that somehow ended up in the arms of a receiver, John can lead this team of misfits to the promised land.

Next: Option Two: Another famous Denver athlete

Jul 18, 2015; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Canada first base coach L. Walker (33) yells at the baserunner against Puerto Rico during the 2015 Pan Am Games at Ajax Pan Am Ballpark. Canada beat Puerto Rico 7-1 Mandatory Credit: Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sports

Option #2: Larry Walker

Fan favorite, Canadian, and also already an MLB coach! Larry is a great choice for a fan base that is more concerned with big names than big wins. Not to say Walker wouldn’t bring the wins home, but it’s pretty clear a Larry Walker hire would be for the name only. You might as well hire Walt Weiss again but in a mustache and say the Walt Weiss of the last three years was an imposter and this time we have hired the actual Walt Weiss.

A real Mad Eye Moody situation, if you will.

Let it be known, I think Larry Walker is an option for the Colorado Rockies but I don’t think he’s a good option. Gotta think outside the box for this one.

Next: Option Three: A famous thong-wearer

Mar 3, 2014; Surprise, AZ, USA; Texas Rangers manager R. Washington (left) with Cleveland Indians designated hitter J. Giambi prior to a spring training game at Surprise Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Option #3: Jason Giambi

The Golden Thong is missed from the Rockies clubhouse, that much is certain. But is Giambi a viable managerial candidate? Back before they hired Weiss, Giambi was close to becoming the Rockies manager. I’m glad the Colorado Rockies passed on The Great Giambino back then because it would be a heck of a lot smarter to hire him now.

Who better to get these young kids in line than Jason the Mason? I call him the Mason because he knows how to lay a few bricks, you guys. Building blocks, if you will.

Another thing helping Jason is that he isn’t really that old yet. My problem with old men stems from the fact that they often whine about things that don’t have any effect on the world and are so stubborn that they refuse to accept that the world changes. Jason isn’t old enough to do that yet, so maybe he won’t spend time whining about how he thinks rap music is killing music instead of managing the baseball team. Just my thought process.

Next: Option Four: A famous Alaskan athlete

Option #4: A Polar Bear

I mentioned it above, but bear (haha) with me on this one. A menacing killer of the arctic may not be a bad idea here. It would certainly get this team motivated to play every day. Over the past month, a few Rockies have decided to voice their frustration including Nolan Arenado and Jose Reyes. Well, you think these players would still run their mouths if a bear was in charge? No way, pal. That bear would make sure these players never said anything bad while he was in charge.

A second pro to this bear idea is how adorable a bear would look in a ball cap and jersey. If there’s one thing everyone loves, it’s an animal in human clothing. Plus, could a bear be any worse at managing the bullpen at this point? Heck, I bet even he wouldn’t be out dropping Boone Logan in the 8^th inning against three righties.

Next: Option Five: You! All of you!

Aug 30, 2015; Williamsport, PA, USA; Mid-Atlantic Region fans cheer prior to the game against the Japan Region at Howard J. Lamade Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Evan Habeeb-USA TODAY Sports

Option #5: Fan Survey

I don’t mean a fan survey to determine the next manager, no, that would backfire the second the fans decided to hire Dealin’ Doug. I mean we open up every managerial decision to fan polls. Lineup? Fan poll. Who we go to in the 7^th with two men on and one out? Fan poll. Whether or not we pinch hit Daniel Descalso with the game on the line? Fan poll (where the only option is no, for the love of God no).

This would increase fan engagement as well and if there’s one thing the Colorado Rockies are going to need after yet another bad season, it’s marketing to fans. When you’ve got an opportunity to actually effect the outcome of a game you’re far more likely to participate in the process. Why do you think so many people vote for politicians that campaign against their own interests? Because they love the process.

Well, that’s just my opinion, comment below with who you think we should hire. Or tweet at me, I guess. I’m on that godforsaken website all day anyway.

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