No More Bad Players: The Colorado Rockies Should Sign Good Players
Jul 22, 2015; Denver, CO, USA; Colorado Rockies relief pitcher John Axford (66) reacts in the dugout after being relieved in which he gave up a go-ahead RBI single by Texas Rangers shortstop Elvis Andrus (not pictured) during the ninth inning at Coors Field. The Rangers won 10-8. Mandatory Credit: Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports
This is just one man’s opinion, but I think the Colorado Rockies should get good players and not bad players.
The thing about good players is that they are good and not bad while bad players are bad and not good. So it makes sense to get good players to be good, instead of the bad players they have now which makes the Colorado Rockies bad.
Here’s a list of good players in baseball:
- Mike Trout
- Bryce Harper
- Josh Donaldson
- Clayton Kershaw
- Is Fred McGriff still playing?
- Ken Griffey, Jr.
- Nolan Arenado
- Miguel Cabrera
- The guy in Moneyball, not Brad Pitt
- Kenny Lofton
- That one guy that plays for the White Sox I think, maybe the Red Sox or maybe the Reds
- David Alan Grier
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Do you guys see a problem there? The Colorado Rockies only have one player on that list. They should have at least three maybe more if they want to be good.
To get good players, the Rockies should trade their bad players to teams for their good players. Now you might be saying to yourself “why would other teams want bad players? Wouldn’t that make them bad?” Well shut up and listen, because the next part of my plan concerns that.
The Rockies should trick the other teams into thinking their bad players are actually good. It’s called the classic oversell in the sales world and since a lot of fans are salesman you guys should understand this. Let me explain, basically the Rockies will call a team up, a team like the White Sox and say “Hey, what’s up we like your player Chris Sale we think he is good.” And the White Sox will say “thank you.” And the Rockies will say “We have a good player too, his name is Wilin Rosario.” And the White Sox will say “He doesn’t seem good.” And the Rockies will say “trust me he is.”
Simple as that, frankly it’s a bit embarrassing the Colorado Rockies haven’t done this yet. I mean I’m just a simple man, I like light beer and the junior Baconator and I easily came up with this plan in like fifteen minutes.
Now, some of you might be asking what if the Rockies can’t convince teams to trade them their good players? Well hold on to your Dockers folks, because I’ve got a plan for that.
Baseball has this thing called free agency and it’s a really good way to get good players by offering them money and/or the opportunity to play with other good players.
A ton of good players go to free agency which is CRAZY to me because if you had a good player you should sign them to a lifetime contract, it’s dumb to me to sign a good player to a contract he could just walk out of.
But other teams dumb mistakes are the Rockies gains, the Colorado Rockies should go to these free agents that are good and sign them. Tell them that they can play with other good players and win games on a good team, which is better than not winning on a bad team.
Also pay them a good salary, but not too much. Sometimes if you pay a player too much he can get relaxed and I can’t blame them! If someone offered me a lot of money to do the same job I would be a lot lazier because why the heck not.
But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, the Rockies should sign good players at a good deal. They shouldn’t sign bad players or sign players to a bad deal.
Examples of a bad deal include: paying them a billion dollars, accidentally making a deal with the devil impersonating a good player and signing over your soul, signing a Capuchin Monkey to play left field, agreeing to pay a player in gold bars, signing a 10 year lease on a 1988 Toyota Tercel.
Under my plan, the Colorado Rockies could be good by tomorrow. Heck, they could be good by tonight if they get a couple of real suckers in the bag by the end of the morning. Fact is, this plan has got some real legs to it and if you don’t agree then why do you love a bad team?
Just one man’s opinion.