Colorado Rockies have Black Friday deals for the rest of baseball

It is the day after Thanksgiving which can only mean one thing: BLACK FRIDAY SALES!

So here is your chance, Major League Baseball teams. The Colorado Rockies are offering some overpriced Major League talent at unbelievable Black Friday discounts.

Disclaimer: All offers will be considered and all prices are negotiable. However, all sales are final.

So let’s take a look at what the Rockies have to offer.

Ian Desmond: 5 years/$70 million (2 years/$23 million remaining)

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What more can be said about Desmond? The Rockies are desperate (at least the fans are) for someone to take him off their hands. At this point, owner Dick Monfort would even accept an offer that included another failing restaurant chain.

Wade Davis: 3 years/$52 million (1 year/$17 million remaining with a $15 million vested option for 2021)

Buyers, please disregard his stats and declining fastball velocity since signing with the Rockies two seasons ago. All you need to know is that he used to be good and has a World Series ring.

Daniel Murphy: 2 years/$24 million (1 year/$8 million remaining with a $6 million buyout and $12 million option for 2021)

American League teams, here is your chance to do the Rockies a favor and help us forget about the huge mistake of letting DJ LeMahieu go. He can’t play defense but he could hit a few years ago when he played for the Nationals.

Bryan Shaw: 3 years/$27 million (1 year/$9 million remaining with a $9 million vested option after 40 appearances in 2020 for 2021)

Shaw was amazing in his five seasons with the Indians, so don’t be concerned that Coors Field may have damaged his psyche. He’s also appeared in 509 games over the last seven seasons, so it is not like his 32-year-old arm has been overworked.

Jake McGee: 3 years/$27 million (1 year/$9.5 million remaining with a $9 million vested option after 60 appearances in 2020 for 2021)

McGee is a left-handed reliever. What more do you need to know? Who cares if he has had only one solid season out of the last four and has been prone to injury? You can never have enough lefties in your bullpen.

Charlie Blackmon: 6 years/$108 million (4 years/$73 million remaining)

Chuck Nazty can’t play defense but he sure can hit. Just imagine what he can do as a designated hitter and he doesn’t have to deal with the wear and tear of playing in the outfield of Coors Field every day. Buyer beware: The Rockies are going to want a lot in return for this fan favorite.

Getting past all of my snark and cynicism, here is a serious note. For the Rockies to address any of their needs this winter, they must find a way to dump some of these contracts. The payroll has become bloated with players not living up to hefty price tags and the first step towards contention in 2020 begins with cutting some necessary fat.

Also, some of these contracts involve vested options for 2021. The Rockies could simply avoid getting stuck with these players for another year by parting ways with them now.