Colorado Rockies: The 7 Things Rockies Fans Must Never Do

There are countless things you can do if you’re a Colorado Rockies fan, from enjoying a beverage while watching the sunset from The Rooftop to debating which of those beverages are among the best craft beers in Colorado. You can argue balls and strikes with the ump. You can be sure to remind Bud Black that you know more about managing than he does (because you do, right?). You can even hope to catch snacks being thrown from the club level during the seventh inning stretch.

You can do all of these things and more. However, there are simply some things you can’t do as a fan of the Colorado Rockies.

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What are those things? We’re glad you asked. We’re here to make sure you understand that it is possible to have your Rockies fandom challenged if you were to commit an act so foul and egregious that it was categorized as one of the seven deadly sins for Colorado fans.

There is a long season ahead of us and we know that every kind of fan will be out there with you this season. In fact, we talked about the five kinds of Rockies fans there are in this article. However, make sure that, no matter how mad you get or how low you think the season might’ve sunk, you don’t cross the line with these seven deadly sins.

Follow us as we begin to explain the things you simply can’t do as a Colorado Rockies fan. We’ll start with number 7 and work our way up to (gasp) number 1.

The Seventh Deadly Sin: Saying anything bad about the defense of Nolan Arenado

Look, despite reports to the contrary, Nolan Arenado is indeed human. He has committed 56 errors in his four Major League season. That averages out to 14 a year or one every 11.57 games. It happens … not often, but it does. How often it doesn’t happen can be witnessed by those four shiny Gold Glove awards that bear Arenado’s name.

Now, if you’re one of those people who watch Arenado and see him make a mistake and immediately wonder, “What’s wrong with Nolan?”, then you’ve committed this sin. If you see Nolan not make a play and think, “I bet Kris Bryant would’ve made that play,” you’ve committed this sin.

Many times, we who watch Nolan day in and day out see what he does and take it for granted. When a mistake happens, it’s amplified because it happens so rarely.

It’s quite simple really. Enjoy #NolanBeingNolan. Enjoy the wizardry he displays on a nightly basis at third base. When he makes a mistake, talk yourself off the ledge. It’s going to happen. Don’t utter the names of Bryant or Machado or Donaldson and try to make a comparison. That’s almost as bad as saying Beetlejuice three times and simply won’t be stood for at Coors Field.

The Sixth Deadly Sin: Saying the Boston Red Sox are “your American League team.”

We get it. You’re one of those fans who believes you have to have more than one favorite team. Maybe you’re the person who liked Clemson and Alabama both all last football season. Maybe you cheer for the San Antonio Spurs and the Golden State Warriors … but that Cleveland Cavaliers team is pretty good too.

That’s fine. Cheer all you want, but don’t utter the names of the Colorado Rockies and Boston Red Sox in the same breath.

Yeah, we’re a little bitter about 2007, OK? We’re a little sore about how quick that whole World Series experience was over. Sure, it’s been a decade … but that doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten it.

Unless you’re from Boston, chowder oozes from your veins and there is no “ar” sound in any word you say, we simply can’t allow you to cheer for both the Red Sox and the Rockies. It’s just not allowed at 20^th and Blake.

So can you have an “American League” team? We’ve consulted with our deadly sins panel and confirmed that you can indeed have a favorite American League team while also cheering for the Rockies. Just not the Red Sox. Sorry. No.

The Fifth Deadly Sin: Believing You Can Like the Rockies and Another National League Team

These are the people who we described in our “types of Rockies fans” article as the ones who cheer for the Rockies when times are good. But, at the first time of trouble, they revert back quickly to their Los Angeles Dodgers or San Francisco Giants jerseys. They sat at Coors Field many times but are quick to tell their buddies they were with the Chicago Cubs the whole way last season.

You can’t have a fallback position if Colorado’s season deteriorates. That’s what most people have their Denver Broncos jerseys for in late August it seems. To be a fan, you stick with your team through the good times and the bad times … and you stick with them especially when the bad times far outweigh the good.

Growing up, I had a friend who rooted for the Cubs, Cardinals and Reds. No. You can’t do that. That’s like having three girlfriends and choosing to hang out with the one who was the most attractive to you on that day. “You know, Michelle, I’ve been hanging out with you for a week or so but Pam is over there on a winning streak so I’m going to pay more attention to her now.”

It’s easy to like multiple teams and then root the most for the winner. Don’t take the easy path. Pick one team and follow them through thick and thin. Otherwise, we’ll have to say you’ve committed one of the deadly sins.

The Fourth Deadly Sin: Having Hunter Pence or Buster Posey as your favorite non-Rockies player

We certainly have nothing against either of these players … except they play for the San Francisco and continually haunt the Rockies at any given moment when they step to the plate.

We’ve already covered why you shouldn’t have another team. Can you actually have another favorite player on another team? We’ve read the tea leaves and shaken the magic 8 ball and the answer seems to be yes. You can marvel at Mike Trout in the outfield. You can watch Bryce Harper hit long homers night after night. You can even watch Clayton Kershaw or Madison Bumgarner pitch and imagine them in purple pinstripes.

Pence or Posey though? Nope. Can’t happen. Sorry. They’ve haunted the Rockies too many times through the years.

Does it matter that they play in the same division as the Rockies? Absolutely. It’s that same dread you get in the pit of your stomach when Paul Goldschmidt or Adrian Gonzalez steps to the plate in a clutch situation against Colorado. Last season, it was Jean Segura’s turn to haunt the Rockies as well. At least now he’s in Seattle.

Want to see a list of the players who were the biggest tormentors of the Rockies last season? We compiled it right here.

We’ll even go as far as to throw Matt Kemp into the “you can’t have him as your favorite player” discussion. If you’re a Rockies fan, you’ll know why.

The Third Deadly Sin: Saying any statistic is inflated because of Coors Field

This may be the third sin, but it’s the biggest in the eyes of some people.

Charlie Blackmon hit a pair of homers last night? Coors.

Nolan Arenado should be the MVP of the National League? Coors.

Any Colorado starting pitcher had a rough night on the mound? Coors.

It was telling that one of the first questions asked of new manager Bud Black was how he was going to strategize for playing 81 games at Coors Field. This altitude and thin air discussion gets in everyone’s head, especially those who live outside of Denver.

A recent ESPN article, when talking about Larry Walker said, “It’s a statement that there’s something illegitimate about offensive greatness at Coors Field…” Really?

Related Story: Just Some of the Reasons Why We Love Coors Field

The Rockies are already looked down upon by the national media and most folks living outside the Mountain time zone because of the altitude. Coors Field, in their minds, is a dark and scary place where people just float around like Neil Armstrong walking on the moon.

Don’t join them. Don’t buy into the myth that Arenado would be a better third baseman in Boston or CarGo wouldn’t hit as many homers if he had stayed in Oakland. As a Rockies fan, you’re better than that. You’re smarter than that. Don’t drink the national Kool-Aid.

The Second Deadly Sin: Saying Larry Walker or Todd Helton aren’t worthy of the Hall of Fame

This is an easy way to have your Rockies fandom revoked almost immediately.

Two players with statistics that prove their worth in Cooperstown are forecast to have trouble getting into the Hall of Fame because of where they spent the majority of their careers. That’s a sad indictment on the state of baseball when known PED users will get in before two players who called Denver home. Go figure.

As Paul Klee wrote in his article right after this year’s Hall of Fame class was announced…

But the voting results suggest the PED knock against (Roger) Clemens and (Barry) Bonds is less of a knock than the Coors Field stigma placed on Walker. In a process that demands 75 percent of the vote for induction, Bonds and Clemens rose 9.5 (to 53.8) and 8.9 percent (54.1) from last year. They’ll make it eventually. Walker is sitting at 21.9 percent of the vote, an increase of just 6.4 from the previous year. Walker has only three more go-rounds to enter the Hall of Fame. In other words, it’s not looking good. If the Coors Effect is the case against a Rockies batter, baseball fans here should request that pitchers also are graded on a curve. It figures that Coors burdens pitchers as much as it boosts batters, right?

We wrote about Walker’s credentials here and reminded you of how great Helton was here. Not much more needs to be said.

If you believe Larry Walker or Todd Helton don’t belong in the Hall of Fame, please, we beg of you, turn in your Rockies gear as you leave your next trip to Coors Field.