One Man, One Controller, 27 Outs: Throwing a Perfect Game with Kyle Kendrick

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May 22, 2015; Denver, CO, USA; Colorado Rockies starting pitcher Kyle Kendrick (38) during the game against the San Francisco Giants at Coors Field. Mandatory Credit: Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports

Try 22: Colorado Rockies at San Francisco Giants: The Last Stand

I strike out the side in the first. After I get Duffy looking on a cutter, I fist pump in my apartment. This is the greatest single inning of my life. I decide tomorrow I’m going to call the Giants FO and tell them to tell Matt Duffy to “suck it.” I’m living on cloud nine.

The second inning isn’t as easy, I get Posey to ground out and Belt to fly out to left, because they suck.

Crawford is tougher, he works a 2-2 count with a couple fouls, my pitch count is around 40 already but I can’t worry about that now. I get Craw to ground out weakly on a change-up. Too easy. I breathe for the first time in seven minutes. It’s been over three hours since I started the first game. I shake my wrist out, press X and begin the third.

Maxwell is a three pitch K, Blanco a two pitch ground out and up comes Madison Bumgarner. He’s kept the Rockies lineup in check, we only have one hit so far.

I get Bum to 0-2 and then he fouls off four straight sinkers. I start to ready my Madison hate letter, this is trash.

He grounds out weakly to third, Arenado guns him down with ease. I’m through nine outs. I think of calling my mom or my ex-girlfriend from high school that always worried about me to tell them I’m accomplishing something great here.

Pagan leads off the fourth with a ground out. My hands are legitimately sweating now. It’s a good thing this is my last game, my emotions are getting the better of me.

Panik strides in and I get him to ground out on the first pitch. I have nothing dramatic to add.

Matt Duffy walks up, you might remember him in the first when I got him to strike out and I celebrated like I had won Nickelodeon’s Legends of The Hidden Temple. Well I started to worry that maybe video game Matt Duffy had taken offense to that.

I throw a solid sinker down the middle to start the AB, just like I totally didn’t plan to throw. Duffy raps it into center field and Blackmon pulls it down. Fist pump, on to the fifth inning.

The Rockies offense gets a run in the fifth so I’m officially in line for a win, if I can just get 15 more outs.

The fifth starts with a Buster Posey pop out to short. Brandon Belt is up next, I get up 1-2 on Belt before he fouls off a change. I throw a sinker, he puts it in the air near left field.

It drops in front of Barnes.

I yell an expletive, Belt stands on first. I watch Crawford walk into the box and throw him a fastball right down the middle. He lines it over the wall, just like I wanted. 2-1 Giants. I don’t care anymore.

Punk Rock Lives

I go into the game settings and turn the level down to Rookie. I can’t do this, I can’t throw a perfect game with Kyle Kendrick, but I feel like it should be done somehow. I’m going to break all my rules, I’m going to make it so it’s as easy as possible to do this, I don’t care. I just have to do it.

I find a bad Double A team and put Kendrick up against the Binghamton Mets.

Next: Ok, THIS Is The Final Try