One Man, One Controller, 27 Outs: Throwing a Perfect Game with Kyle Kendrick

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Apr 28, 2015; Phoenix, AZ, USA; Colorado Rockies pitcher Kyle Kendrick (right) is pulled from the game by manager Walt Weiss against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

I’ve been playing nearly three hours now. My mind has begun to falter. I have to work tomorrow, I can’t go on like this.

I can’t quit though, I’ve written nearly 1,600 words on trying to achieve something. I decide to go for glory for my last try, I decide to attack my most hated enemy head on. I schedule the San Francisco Giants.

The Giants are the World Champions. Furthermore, they are stupid idiots that I cannot stand. With three world championships in five years, the players have decided to open up a branch of the Baseball Unwritten Rules Enforcement Legion. Pretending to be sheriffs of the game they annoyingly announce that no one can have fun beating them because they are winners and winners know how to play baseball the right way. Nothing worse in baseball than the Unwritten Rules Committee, not even Ryan Braun.

Not to mention, their media are obnoxious know-it-all whiners. From Kruk and Kuip sitting in the box claiming every Giants loss to the Rockies is some kind of conspiracy to Wendy Thurm deciding a Kershaw no hitter against the Rockies is a perfect time to chime in with some disrespectful taunt that has nothing to do with anything. Oh don’t forget Hank Schulman who got scolded for cheering in the press box once.

The Giants media has single handedly created a rivalry, there was never any hate going the other way. Suddenly, Giants media decided they didn’t like the Rockies and in that moment they decided to pick on a franchise that’s been around 1/5th of the time theirs has. Like the middle child, the Giants media has decided that since they can’t be better than the Dodgers, they’ll just have to find a weaker opponent to pick on.

Lastly, I hate them because they are stupid good. Pagan, Panik, Duffy, Posey, Belt, Crawford, Madison Bumgarner, it’s like facing an all-star team. But I figure if I can’t beat the White Sox at this in four tries, why not the Giants? I mean really, why not?

We head to AT&T Field. I move the time of the game to the evening and make it overcast. Why clouds? I don’t know, I just felt like San Francisco shouldn’t get to enjoy clear skies anymore.

Next: The 22nd -- And Final -- Attempt