Ranking The Colorado Rockies Walk-Up Songs

Aug 24, 2014; Denver, CO, USA; Colorado Rockies relief pitcher LaTroy Hawkins (32) and catcher Michael McKenry (8) celebrate the win over the Miami Marlins at Coors Field. The Rockies defeated the Marlins 7-4. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Now that there’s been a series at Coors Field, and we’ve heard a few of the Colorado Rockies’ walk-up songs, it’s time to judge…

Shout out to the Colorado Rockies Twitter account, and the PR folks over there who just tweeted out the walk-up songs for the Rockies this summer.

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So, it’s only fair to go through each and every one of ‘em, yah?

And, you know, vote on them, yah?

A few things to think about regarding walk-up songs: batters are going to get, what, maybe 15 seconds? So the song must hit quick and be memorable (like Ryan Spilborghs’ old song).

Pitchers might get a minute and a half or two minutes, so their songs can build a little bit more.

But, pitchers: no Metallica unless you’re truly a bad-ass. Guys coming out of the bullpen throwing 89 mph probably can’t rock AC/DC, or, you know, anything unbecoming of their stuff and ‘pen role.

Anyways, whatever. It’s Monday. I’m bored. Giddyup.

Next: Evaluating the pitchers' walk-up songs

Jun 6, 2014; Denver, CO, USA; Colorado Rockies manager Walt Weiss (22) pulls starting pitcher Eddie Butler (31) in the sixth inning against the Los Angeles Dodgers at Coors Field. Mandatory Credit: Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports

Christian Bergman “Whiskey in the Jar” by Metallica

Here we go! Hard rock from the start (disregard all those party noises, obviously; that’s just the music video).

Bergman gets a minute or two of the song, too, so he can let it build up as he tosses his eight warm-ups.

I’ll let you all debate whether Bergman (and not, say, a closer) can use Metallica coming out of the ‘pen as the long reliever, but staff role aside, good choice.

Smilley face emojis from me.

Eddie Butler “Dirt Road Anthem” by Jason Aldean

Ok, look. You’re reading a post from a guy (me) who is North Carolina all the way, and I love country music. LOVE.

But I love real country music and JASON ALDEAN IS NOT REAL COUNTRY MUSIC.

Jason Aldean is stereotypical junk, just like all modern (last 10-15 years) “country” music. Blake Shelton, Brad Paisley, Aldean, Luke Bryan, MAKE IT ALL STOP.

The real stuff, the good stuff, was back in the 90s (and even before that) – Alan Jackson, Travis Tritt, George Strait, Tom T. Hall, CONWAY FREAKIN’ TWITTY! That was nuanced, smart, meaningful country music without all the gratuitious “dogs and trucks and brunette girl on my side” stereotypes that emanate from the modern-day junk. Plus, nobody uses the steel guitar nowadays like Alan Jackson.

Damnit, Eddie, what the hell are you doing? I know you’re a southerner, bro, and that’s awesome! The South is, like, the best place ever. OMG.

So from one southerner to another, please, PLEASE, start listening to real country music and drop posers like Jason Aldean. He’s rapping in this song. HE’S RAPPING.

THIS ISN’T COUNTRY MUSIC, THIS IS JUST AN AWFUL STEREOTYPE OF WHAT PEOPLE WHO DON’T UNDERSTAND RURAL LIFESTYLES THINK THE COUNTRY IS LIKE.

YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT, EDDIE. HOW ABOUT YOU USE THIS AS YOUR WALK-UP SONG INSTEAD, AND MAKE ME HAPPY?

Whoa. Sorry. I’ll regroup and take it down a notch.

LaTroy Hawkins “They Want EFX” by Das EFX –AND– “Keep Risin To The Top” by Doug E. Fresh

Hawkins went old-school. If you don’t like these tracks, there’s a decent chance you probably hate America. And if you hate America, you hate baseball. And if you hate baseball, you shouldn’t be on this blog. BYE, FELICIA!

Kyle Kendrick “Gonna Know We Were Here” by Jason Aldean

Remember what I said about Butler choosing Jason Aldean? Yeah…

Also, is Kendrick even a southerner? I know he was born in Houston, but he went to high school in Washington? Soooooo…?

Tyler Matzek “Survival” by Eminem

I know a lot of people are high on Eminem, but I’m not a fan and I’ve just never really embraced him. That being said, using this song is fine, it’s a good pump-up. I wasn’t at Coors Field this weekend when Matzek pitched, so it’ll be interesting to see how the clean version sounds on the PA, though. Any insight, from the folks in Denver who were there on Opening Day?

Adam Ottavino “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana

Can’t hate this, but you can hate that VEVO has a Nirvana page. Screw you, VEVO.

Next: Let's look at the hitters' walk-up songs

September 28, 2014; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Colorado Rockies second baseman Rafael Ynoa (43) hits a three run RBI double in the seventh inning against the Los Angeles Dodgers at Dodger Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

Nolan Arenado “Heads Will Roll” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I mean, I wouldn’t have made this my song, but, sure? I feel like Arenado is becoming a big star, and he deserves stronger walk-out music with a better beginning and maybe a harder sound?

Charlie Blackmon “Your Love” by the Outfield

This is (probably) the song that should win. Well, there’s one further down that might give Charlie a run for his money (you’ll see). But Blackmon’s is in the Ryan Spilborghs mold of memorable walk-up songs. Baller status. Also, that video. Oh my God. The ‘80s, man… what a time to be alive.

Corey Dickerson “Take My Life” by Jeremy Camp

It didn’t look like there was an official music video for this one so I apologize for the, um, interesting lyric video. Anyways, Christian rock isn’t my thing. As Hank Hill famously said, “Christian rock? Can’t you see you’re not making Christianity any better? You’re just making rock and roll worse!”

Besides, Christian metal? Well… I guess fifteen seconds is OK. Whatever it takes for Dickerson to keep hitting line drives, amirite?!

Daniel Descalso “Dani California” by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Is it because his name is Dan(i) and he’s from California? RHCP is fine. Not, like, my personal favorite but the song is decent. I’d rather hear Tulo’s walk-up more (because, you know, I want Tulo to start 150 games, duh), but I don’t have a problem with this one. Keep it.

Carlos Gonzalez “Tu Me Quemas” by Chino & Nacho –AND– “Ay Vamos” by J Balvin

I quite literally know zero things about Latin American music and I can’t speak Spanish, but, I guess it’s cool? Sure! Both have good energy and I like the build-up and reggae/reggaeton style up-beats in the J Balvin track, so, more power to ya, CarGo.

Nick Hundley “Shine” by Collective Soul

This is an awesome song. There’s nothing you can say to me about 90s and early 2000s rock. I’m not trying to hear any of that nonsense from you people.

Old-school country, 90s rock, and reggae are, like, my things, bro. YOUR ARIANA GRANDE AND KENDRICK LAMAR CAN’T HOLD A CANDLE TO THE GIN BLOSSOMS AND SUBLIME AND CAKE AND THE WALLFLOWERS.

Call to the Pen

DJ LeMahieu “Revolution” by Diplo

Not bad, DJ! I like it a lot.

But, obviously, this was a missed opportunity.

I live life by two rules: never, ever pass up the opportunity to eat a Chipotle burrito, and always – ALWAYS – embrace Manny Fresh at every possible opportunity.

Michael McKenry “You Can’t Stop Me” by Andy Mineo

Great song for a hitter. Fun and energetic walk-up.

Nice work, Michael McKenry.

Justin Morneau “Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution” –AND– “Hold Me Back” by AC/DC

Regarding these, go back and see what I said about LaTroy Hawkins’ walk-up choices. If you hate these songs, especially for a baseball player, you and I won’t get along.

I feel like Morneau is a shade off Larry Walker status with his walk-up songs. Probably not as iconic of a Rockie as Walker was, which will make a difference, too, but still… this is pretty iconic.

Wilin Rosario “A Que No Te Atreves” by Tito El Bambino

Meh. I’m not the guy to ask about Latin American music, so, meh. Whatevs. I’m not wild about it, but I’m not exactly the demographic this is meant to appeal to, so, sure.

Troy Tulowitzki “The Man” by Aloe Blacc

Love it. Love it. ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.

This is going to be in my head for the rest of the day.

Drew Stubbs “Sugar” by Maroon 5

Maroon 5. Justin Bieber. Nickelback. Jason Aldean. Striking out more than 30% of the time. These things suck.

Too soon?

Rafael Ynoa “Sexy And I Know It” by LMFAO

OBVIOUSLY, this is the only correct answer for winning the walk-up competition, and if you vote for anybody besides Ynoa, GET OFF THIS SITE RIGHT NOW.

Seriously, there’s something to be said for having a memorable and tongue-in-cheek walk-up song so, nice job Rafael. You’re still my favorite.

Next: Finally, vote for your favorite!