Ranking The Colorado Rockies Walk-Up Songs

Jun 6, 2014; Denver, CO, USA; Colorado Rockies manager Walt Weiss (22) pulls starting pitcher Eddie Butler (31) in the sixth inning against the Los Angeles Dodgers at Coors Field. Mandatory Credit: Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports

Christian Bergman “Whiskey in the Jar” by Metallica

Here we go! Hard rock from the start (disregard all those party noises, obviously; that’s just the music video).

Bergman gets a minute or two of the song, too, so he can let it build up as he tosses his eight warm-ups.

I’ll let you all debate whether Bergman (and not, say, a closer) can use Metallica coming out of the ‘pen as the long reliever, but staff role aside, good choice.

Smilley face emojis from me.

Eddie Butler “Dirt Road Anthem” by Jason Aldean

Ok, look. You’re reading a post from a guy (me) who is North Carolina all the way, and I love country music. LOVE.

But I love real country music and JASON ALDEAN IS NOT REAL COUNTRY MUSIC.

Jason Aldean is stereotypical junk, just like all modern (last 10-15 years) “country” music. Blake Shelton, Brad Paisley, Aldean, Luke Bryan, MAKE IT ALL STOP.

The real stuff, the good stuff, was back in the 90s (and even before that) – Alan Jackson, Travis Tritt, George Strait, Tom T. Hall, CONWAY FREAKIN’ TWITTY! That was nuanced, smart, meaningful country music without all the gratuitious “dogs and trucks and brunette girl on my side” stereotypes that emanate from the modern-day junk. Plus, nobody uses the steel guitar nowadays like Alan Jackson.

Damnit, Eddie, what the hell are you doing? I know you’re a southerner, bro, and that’s awesome! The South is, like, the best place ever. OMG.

So from one southerner to another, please, PLEASE, start listening to real country music and drop posers like Jason Aldean. He’s rapping in this song. HE’S RAPPING.

THIS ISN’T COUNTRY MUSIC, THIS IS JUST AN AWFUL STEREOTYPE OF WHAT PEOPLE WHO DON’T UNDERSTAND RURAL LIFESTYLES THINK THE COUNTRY IS LIKE.

YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT, EDDIE. HOW ABOUT YOU USE THIS AS YOUR WALK-UP SONG INSTEAD, AND MAKE ME HAPPY?

Whoa. Sorry. I’ll regroup and take it down a notch.

LaTroy Hawkins “They Want EFX” by Das EFX –AND– “Keep Risin To The Top” by Doug E. Fresh

Hawkins went old-school. If you don’t like these tracks, there’s a decent chance you probably hate America. And if you hate America, you hate baseball. And if you hate baseball, you shouldn’t be on this blog. BYE, FELICIA!

Kyle Kendrick “Gonna Know We Were Here” by Jason Aldean

Remember what I said about Butler choosing Jason Aldean? Yeah…

Also, is Kendrick even a southerner? I know he was born in Houston, but he went to high school in Washington? Soooooo…?

Tyler Matzek “Survival” by Eminem

I know a lot of people are high on Eminem, but I’m not a fan and I’ve just never really embraced him. That being said, using this song is fine, it’s a good pump-up. I wasn’t at Coors Field this weekend when Matzek pitched, so it’ll be interesting to see how the clean version sounds on the PA, though. Any insight, from the folks in Denver who were there on Opening Day?

Adam Ottavino “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana

Can’t hate this, but you can hate that VEVO has a Nirvana page. Screw you, VEVO.

Next: Let's look at the hitters' walk-up songs