Colorado Rockies: Rate the Rockies Bullpen, Part 2

Picture a game show setting and some cheesy music playing. Picture a crowd clapping wildly off-camera as the announcer prepares to speak. Suddenly, in a booming voice, he says, “Welcome to America’s most maddening game show … Rate the Colorado Rockies Bullpen!”

The crowd claps and the cheesy music keeps playing. It’s a beautiful sight. From behind the curtain, a well-dressed man appears. Oh my goodness, it’s famous television personality Skip Skippendale. He smiles and says, “That’s right, it’s time to…” And before he can finish the sentence, the crowd says in unison, “Rate the Rockies Bullpen!”

Skip: Welcome back folks! If you’ll remember in our last fun-filled show, you helped us rate five members of the Colorado Rockies bullpen. Today, we’ll ask you to rate the final three current members of the bullpen. It should be fun and one of you just may win a brand new car!

Crowd cheers.

Skip: Just kidding! Who do you think I am, Oprah? Come on!

Camera cuts away to focus on an elderly woman glaring at Skip.

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Skip: Anyway, let’s play Rate the Rockies Bullpen! Who’s our first candidate today?

Announcer: That would be Matt Carasiti!

The crowd murmurs.

Skip: Oh this will be a tough one for our audience to start with today. So much potential but so many runs allowed so far. Oh well. Audience, it’s time to vote! Remember, you’re voting on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 meaning you have no confidence in him whatsoever and 10 meaning he’s the next coming of Mariano Rivera.

Instrumental music plays as people begin to use the keypads at their chairs to vote. A buzzer sounds and voting ends.

Skip: OK, let’s see what we have.

Drum roll and curtain pulls back to reveal a 2.

Skip: Oof. Let’s ask a member of our audience why she voted so low. Susie from Aurora, what’s up with that low number?

Susie the Audience Member: He has a win. He has lots of potential. However, that’s all that I’ve seen so far. In seven games, he has a 12.21 ERA and 2.86 WHIP.

The audience gasps. One lady is seen just shaking her head.

Susie: I think he’s going to have a good future, but you can’t walk as many guys (six) and you’ve struck out so far (six) in just 7.1 innings of work. And Friday night against the Washington Nationals was just plain awful. Four hits and runs in an inning pitched? That just can’t happen.

The audience claps.

Skip: Thanks Susie! Mr. Announcer, who’s next on Rate the Rockies Bullpen?

Announcer: That would be Chris Rusin!

Crowd murmurs then goes quiet as it begins to ponder its vote.

Skip: Remember folks, you’re only voting on this member of the Colorado bullpen as a reliever. Try to block those seven starts of his out of your minds.

Announcer: With that 5.08 ERA in those seven starts, we’re definitely trying to do that!

Rim shot comes in.

Skip: Hey-oooo! OK, let’s see how you vote … now!

Music plays.

Buzzer sounds. Voting is done.

Drum roll and curtain pulls back to reveal a 7.

Skip: Interesting. Looks like you all were able to block out those starts. Earl from Westminster, tell us about this one.

Earl: It’s pretty simple for me. The guy has a 2-0 record and 3.00 ERA and has been called in to put out more fires than the local volunteer fire department.