I have to admit, my belief in you is wavering. And it doesn’t really have anything to do with the whole, How can one man visit every person in the entire world on one night? thing. Nor is it my confusion over the fact that this Christmas I live 1800 miles from where I lived last Christmas, and yet you are at the Macy’s here just like you were at the Macy’s there. It’s not even about the elves, though I admit that they creep me out. No, my lack of faith is due to your near-complete dismissal of last year’s wish list. Nearly half the players on whose behalf I made requests no longer even play for the Rockies. The other guys did fine this year, but I’m not convinced I actually got any of the things I asked for. Did you misunderstand what I said about Tulo? I mean, I appreciate that the biggest story about him this year was not his walk-up song or his haircut, but I certainly didn’t mean season-ending surgery as an alternative.
So let’s try this again. I’m gonna give you another shot, Old St. Nick. Probably half of the canonical Christmas movies feature belief as a primary means to motivate you to action. So despite all evidence to the contrary, I believe. Come through for me, Santa. My requests are as follows:
1. New manager Walt Weiss doesn’t tank in his first season. I will accept below .500 on his first try, but I will certainly not accept a repeat of last years 98 losses. Walt’s a hometown guy, okay? We like him. A modicum of success would be nice.
2. Dexter Fowler gets to hit lead-off in 150 games. The only times he doesn’t are when he needs a break and/or some phenom comes up from the minors and needs a shot at it. He most certainly does not move up and down the lineup on anybody’s whim.
3. Troy Tulowitzki finally has a healthy season, and misses only the odd game here and there. No surgeries, no strained this or torn that, no insisting he’s fine and will be back in a few weeks while we all wearily bench him on our fantasy teams. Just a good, solid, .325-40-100 season.
4. A miracle for Todd Helton. Any miracle will do.
5. The front office stops looking for relievers, given how stocked the bullpen already is. And the relievers we do have don’t die or break down or lose their arms to excessive overuse.
8. Wilin Rosario STOPS PASSING THE FREAKING BALL.
9. A return to awesomeness for Charlie Blackmon. I know some people think he never attained awesomeness in the first place, but I was paying attention during that one week in June 2011. I believe. Come on Charlie.
10. Eric Young Jr. doesn’t make headlines for anything other than good defense, consistent offense, and a record number of stolen bases.
11. Just once, I catch Dante Bichette‘s eye from the stands and get him to come over and talk to me. And maybe he even remembers signing my baseball at Gart Brothers back in 1995.
Santa, my belief hinges on these things. Come through for me big guy.