Mariners Sweep Rockies at Coors (Oh the Pain)

Rockies 4, Mariners 6

Around last September, I got so tired of the Rockies being awful that I started writing recaps disguised as TV show plots. That lasted a few days before I got bored with that and went back to regular recaps. But as I sat down to write this one, I found myself with the same feeling I had back then: I have no words for this. I can’t say this team sucks in a new way. What will I do? Well, it’s May, and I’m feeling that way already, so expect something along the lines of total incoherence to set in any day now.

Let’s start with Jeremy Guthrie, who should no longer be allowed to pitch at Coors Field. He’s a nice guy and a good pitcher, but oh my goodness does he lose it when he climbs the hill at Coors. Don’t ask me what happens, but it’s not pretty. Today’s version of ugly featured 6 innings, 6 earned runs, and 3 home runs. Two of those homers were in the 3rd inning and came courtesy of Jesus Montero and Justin Smoak. After that, it was 5-1 M’s, which is as close to a death sentence as it gets with the Rockies. What’s Guthrie’s problem? He gets behind in the count, or throws a great first-pitch strike and then gets behind in the count, and then he throws a meat pitch that gets hammered. He got away with that in Baltimore, where balls do not carry as far, but he’s not getting away with it here.

Also, can we talk about that thing that happened in the first inning? You know, when Dustin Ackley and Kyle Seager executed a double steal. And Ackley stole HOME because Wilin Rosario threw to 2nd. And Marco Scutaro‘s error allowed Seager to advance to 3rd. That’s embarrassing.

Now we can talk about what was good, because there were a few things. First, after Guthrie departed, the bullpen did not allow any more runs to score. That’s pleasant, especially when it’s Matt Reynolds, Adam Ottavino, and Josh Outman we’re talking about. Ottavino’s still rocking an 0.00 ERA after three appearances.

And the lineup wasn’t all bad. Mostly bad; Troy Tulowitzki, Todd Helton, and Rosario all went hitless, and Helton uncharacteristically struck out to end the game with two men on base. But Carlos Gonzalez had 3 hits, including a double and a home run. Michael Cuddyer hit two doubles and stole a base. Dexter Fowler, who is like hitting home runs this season or something, hit a home run. And Eric Young, boasting a .321 average by the way, had two hits and scored a run. So this wasn’t all bad. These guys even managed to score two runs in the 9th, without which the score would have been 6-2. It wasn’t enough, but it was a little something.

That’s not at all to say that I don’t still think this team is terrible. This team is terrible. And joyless. And a lot like last year’s team. Considering the fact that the makeup of the roster is totally different, it’s very obvious who’s to blame for this mess.

The Rockies head to Miami to face the Marlins and their horrible home run sculpture for a 3-game series.